Living the Questions
John 20:19-31
March 30, 2008: Second Sunday of Easter
Rev. Kathleen Crockford
United Congregational Church of Westerly, United Church of Christ
Jesus’s followers were holed up together in a locked room—afraid. Their beloved teacher and friend was gone! He was put to death like a common criminal and buried in a garden tomb. But three days later, amazing stories began to surface. Mary Magdalene, one of Jesus’ closest friends and disciples, went to the tomb and found it empty. This was so upsetting to her that she stood there in the garden crying. Then someone she thought was the gardener appeared and she asked him where Jesus’s body had been taken. But when this person called her by name, “Mary,” she knew immediately that it was the risen Jesus. She rushed home to tell the others. But still they were gripped with fear. The questions still remained—was his life, was his death going to make any difference in the world?
That evening they were huddled together behind the weight of a rough-hewn door seeking comfort where there was none, when suddenly Jesus was there with them. “Peace be with you” were his first words to them. Then, to prove to them who he really was, he showed them his pierced hands and side. And then they knew it was him. The proof was right in front of them. And their fear turned to joy!
Again he spoke: “Peace be with you. As God has sent me, so I send you.” Jesus commissioned them to continue his work of teaching God’s way of love—an embracing, inclusive, justice-seeking love. But sending them into the world alone would be futile. They had been afraid and confused, hidden in a locked room to escape danger. Jesus knew they would need God’s strength and spirit to go out and continue the mission. And so Jesus breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” He breathed into them the Spirit of life, and they would find the strength to stand up, unlock the door, go outside, and proclaim the risen Christ and God’s message of inclusive love.
But Thomas, one of the twelve, was not there to see all this, to hear Jesus’s commission to them and to receive the Holy Spirit. So when he returned and the others told him what had happened, he didn’t believe it. And here is where he says those famous words: “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails, and my hand in his side, I will not believe.” His reaction is the reason he has been known as “Doubting Thomas.” The others had seen. But he’s missed out. And a whole week goes by. He must have been in agony. But there they are again, a week later, huddled in the closed room. And this time Thomas is there.
Again, Jesus appears to them, saying, “Peace be with you.” And he goes right to Thomas, saying, “Put you finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” There is no condemnation in Jesus’s words. Just compassion, understanding, and assurance. Thomas answers with words that are the climax of the whole gospel of John and he makes this spectacular affirmation. He says: “My Lord and my God!”
I don’t know about you, but I can really relate to what Thomas must have been going through. I hate the feeling of missing out on something big. It’s hard to hear everybody around saying how wonderful something was and know that you missed out. Thomas missed the first appearance of the risen Christ to the disciples who were gathered together. The others told him what had happened, but it wasn’t enough. He needed to experience it for himself.
And too often we look down on Thomas for his questioning, his doubting, but doubt is an important part of faith. Thomas didn’t lose faith. If he had we would have stayed away. He could have said, “Forget it! I could care less if that’s the way it’s going to be with Jesus.” But he didn’t. He kept alive a sliver of faith and did not abandon his questions, his doubts.
Somehow we get the idea that the opposite of faith is doubt. But that is not true. The opposite of faith is indifference—not caring, not showing up, not giving a thought to our relationship with God. But to have doubts means we are still engaged, we are simply in a mode of wondering, searching, not wanting to miss out on a big thing, like what a relationship with God is all about. “Doubt,” writes Frederick Buechner, “is the ants in the pants of faith. Doubt keeps faith awake and moving.”
Doubt keeps faith awake and moving. That’s what our questions about life can do. We are called to live our questions, really live them through to the other side of understanding. This idea is beautifully expressed by the poet Rainer Maria Rilke. Rilke wrote these words to an aspiring young poet who was struggling to find the ways to understand his life and write about it. Rilke said: “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart…try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” (from Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke, W. W. Norton & Co. rev. ed. 1954)
Our questions about faith can be a sign that something is happening to us. Maybe they point to new growth that is trying to emerge inside us, a new way God is urging us to be. Maybe they are telling us that our old ways of seeing God, or the way we think God works in the world, don’t ring true to us anymore and God’s spirit is encouraging us to look again. Maybe our faith could use some strengthening by being with others who are on the faith journey, too.
When Thomas declares to Jesus, “My Lord and my God,” it is clear that his doubts have changed to belief. And then Jesus says something that we need to hear today. He said: “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen me and yet have come to believe.” Think about this for a minute. That is us! And that blessing is meant for us. We are the ones who have come to this place—doubts and all—without seeing Jesus as he appeared to his earliest disciples. But he knew that we would need the strength of his blessing to believe and live a life shaped by God’s Spirit.
God’s spirit and God’s blessing go hand in hand. A blessed life is a “together” kind of life, shaped by God’s spirit, fueled by God’s breath, helped by God’s blessing. When we live the questions that we have, God will make a way to open the door and help us find the answers we seek. “Knock and it shall be given. Seek and you will find.” The blessings God has for us and our world are as rich and as full as they were for those first disciples. As my friend and fellow pastor, Kate Huey testifies: “Whenever we’re afraid and hiding out, all locked up, God comes to us in the midst of our fears and says, ‘Peace be with you.’ Whatever doubts churn in our minds, whatever sins trouble our consciences, whatever pain and worry bind us up, whatever walls we have put up or doors we have locked securely, God comes to us and says, ‘Peace be with you.’ Whatever hunger and need we feel deep in our souls, God calls us to the table, feeds us well, and sends us out into the world to be justice and peace, salt and light, hope for the world. We can do it, if we keep our eyes open, our minds limber, and our hearts soft and willing to love. As God sent Jesus, God sends us this day.” Amen.
(Sermon Seeds, www.ucc.org/worship/samuel, March 30, 2008)
Copyright © 2008 by Kathleen Crockford